I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
