I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
