Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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