Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
