i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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