i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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