You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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