i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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