my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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