i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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