They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
