I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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