found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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