under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
