just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
