Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
