hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
