If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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