so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
