you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
