living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
