oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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