you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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