I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
