i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
