she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
