so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
