this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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