Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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