my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
