I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize