you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
