So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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