Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
