would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
