Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
