Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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