Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
