just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize