the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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