dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
