I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was like eating out sand paper
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
