shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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