Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
