She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
