I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
