Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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