My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
