sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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