I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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