i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
