I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
