the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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