Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
