Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
