best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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