Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
